Mother is Mothering

I know I cannot be my daughter’s girlfriend.  I know that and I don’t want to be.  Being a good mom is knowing how to be her mother.  She will have friends, boyfriends, and colleagues her whole life that will come and go, but she will only have one mom!  I am the only person that will be reason and love and compassion.  I do want to be all of those things for her, BUT I have also lived so much already.  I have been through so many experiences that have given me so much perspective that I am bursting to share with her.  I want to give her warnings, and tips so when this world throws curve balls at her, she may be better prepared to handle them.  

She is only 16, and while she feels like she is an adult, she is new to this world, but it is starting to throw adult situations at her. She looks at my like I am ancient and have no concept of what she is dealing with at school and with her friends. I can acknowledge the social media of it all was not a thing when I was in high school and facebook was in its infancy when I was in college, so every move wasn't being plastered over a news field or reel that I was glued to my phone watching. We didn't have smart phones and texting was expensive and time consuming using the number key pad to type out the briefest of messages.  I want to go to Starbucks and laugh with her about my horrible experiences, and how she can learn from them.  It just wouldn’t be appropriate, and honestly she wouldn’t listen.  I am her mom, what would I know?  

So, lets pretend you are all my daughter at an appropriate age to talk about these things, and listen to Mother:

First, sexual harassment is never cool.  I know, I know, this seems like a no brainer, but trust me you will be put into situations as a young woman that are so uncomfortable, but all you can think to do is giggle, or in the moment you mistake a gross old man touching your butt as flattering.  Men can take advantage of a young woman because they think you won’t be strong enough to stick up for yourself.  I had a boss in college, when I working at a nice restaurant, that told me I reminded him of Kim Basinger.  At the time, I didn’t even know who that was, so I would just smile and run to the kitchen to pick up the food I needed to serve to make the conversation stop.  He also invited me to go and sample wines for the restaurant on a weekend getaway.  At the time, I thought it was weird, but I was afraid to say something and lose my job.  The tips were great, and I paid my own way for my apartment and my tuition.  The very worst of it was when he would stand behind the bar, he would allow for just enough space the my ass would always have to brush against his old man dick and balls.  It was gross.  The other waitresses and I would go out for a drink after work and laugh about it, but why were we laughing?  Why didn’t we take a stand? Don’t let people, especially men, treat you less than what you deserve.  It is a slippery slope when you compromise your standards. Unless you have a hot Zaddy pursuing you and you aren't working through some sort of trauma through an older man kink, do yourself a favor and put their wrinkly sacks in their place.

Next, never go with a boy that tells you he needs to “show” you something.  Let me tell you, it's not artwork, its his dick.  I will never forget the first dick I ever saw, I was in high school, and it was in my boyfriend's basement while his parents were upstairs.  He took it from 0 to dick real quick.  We weren’t even kissing, just watching TV when all of the sudden he told me he wanted to show me something cool.  He took me under the staircase and just whipped it out.  I did the only reasonable thing I could think of at the time.  I said, “Oh Wow, that’s cool.”  As if his mother’s spidey senses started tingling at her son’s inappropriateness and my awkwardness, she opened the door to the basement and said for us to come upstairs.  He instantly put it away and we ran upstairs.  I avoided eye contact with everyone, declined the brownies she was offering, and drove home.  In any situation when you are alone with a guy in a bedroom or basement, or you are at a party, believe me they have nothing interesting to show you.  Also, it made me miss out on homemade brownies, and they were bomb.  

Another tip I can share with you is to live your life at the pace you are comfortable with.  This includes your dating life, experiences, and everything else that comes your way.  There have been a few times I knew I was in over my head, but I forced myself into it.  I wanted to lose my v-card so bad in high school.  It felt like everyone else was doing it, and I wasn’t allowed to date.  All of the girls were talking about their serious, in-love, relationships.  I had friends that had their boyfriends dial zero on the pink telephone, they were giving them blow jobs, and it finally lead to sex.  Meanwhile, I am being traumatized by a flasher under the stairs.  (that almost sounds like a scary story, “The Dick Under the Stairs”, by R. L. Stine).  I felt like such a baby.  I would get so down on myself, but now I know I just wasn’t ready.  I also wasn’t ready for drinking and drugs in high school.  Okay, I know you are thinking I am jumping the shark here, but I am only referring to weed, and its legal in most places to chill out. The first time I tried anything in high school was malibu rum and weed at the same time, AND I was at a work party.  I had no idea what I was doing, and I was with two people much more experienced than me.  I didn’t want to look like a baby, and I so desperately wanted to fit in and be liked that I tried both.  One hour later, I was puking at the side of the road.  Let me tell you love, when you are trying to be one of the “in” crowd, puking because of drinking a tablespoon of malibu a couple puffs of weed is not the way to do it.  As you get older people may talk about experiences and whether it is sexual, or drinking, or from their travels, please do not let it make you feel bad or minimize who you are.  Who you are and what your speed is, is perfect.  Mother has raised you to be a strong woman with a great head on your shoulders, and an inner voice that is hopefully guiding you in a good direction.  Follow it!

My last tip, and most important life lesson would be to never lose your girlfriends.  I know you may think this guy is the best and you want to spend every waking moment with him, but he isn’t.  He will hopefully be one of many guys you will date and decide what you like before you end up with the one.  OR, he may be the one you end up with, and in that case, he should understand and support your relationships with your friends.  Your girlfriends should and will be your real life partners.  There is nothing better than girls nights, when you are drinking white zinfandel, and watching your latest netflix obsession getting your uber eats in comfy sweats.  Or driving around with your very best friend singing to your favorite songs not caring that neither one of you are out of tune.  Nothing compares to a girlfriend that you can share you scariest thoughts with sans judgement.  Truly not even an orgasim can hold a candle to a friend that will pick you up off the floor in the middle of gut wrenching sobs and get you up and dancing in your apartment.  Your girls will make sure when you are dancing if you want to be left alone, you will be.  The flip side, if you are dancing trying to be a siren beckoning some young sailor to snare for the evening, he is up to code and not some creepy guy that comes up behind you and thinks its cool to mash his denim boner in your back.  This is something that is true from high school, college, and the great beyond of adulting.  Friends first; please remember that!

Sorry, one last thought. Don't fake your orgasms. If your partner isn't interested in getting you off, then leave. Selfish in bed equals selfish in every aspect of their life.